Mary Jane Is Winning....

So far, 3 to legalize pot, none for keeping it illegal.

Of course, every poll here a Lexenomics is totally scientific with zero margin for error!

I'm fine with legalizing it. I don't smoke it, though.

But I DO want this poll to be objective as possible without any outside influences. It's important for me to be as objective as possible!

Charlie! Behave!

She said she wanted to drop by and say hi. I had NO idea she was going to use her insanely awesome hotness to try and sway the poll. I apologize!

Honestly! That girl!

That's it! I've had it! Next time you swing by, Charlie, I'm going to personally frisk you to make sure that you're not up to no good.

The frisking should take about five hours.

You have to be thorough, right?

Sex and The Masters

Shelly and I have always been close!

Catchy title, huh?

Sell the sizzle, kids, not the steak. Whatever that means.

-----A couple of weeks after Shelly moved in here with Janey, she came into the main house (for lack of a better word) and sat down and smiled at hubby and myself.

"Yes?" said I.

She held up two tickets.

"And those are....?"

She smiled and said, "Tickets to the Masters! Brian (her ex-hubby) can't use them and gave them to me!"

Shelly's a golf nut. Played in junior tournaments and is still pretty good. She and my hubby have gone out golfing more than a few times (insert "hole-in-one" joke here).

"So," I asked, "you're showing them to us for a reason?"

Another smile. "Yeah. Your husband's going to take me. Janey can't go. We leave on Tuesday night. Then on Wednesday there's the par 3 competition, and the first two rounds on Thursday and Friday!"

I turned to hubby. "Were you aware of this?"

"No. Can I go? Pretty please?" he asked, knowing full well that I'd say yes.

"Yeah. Can he go? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please?" she asked, also knowing full well that I'd say yes.

She continued. "Brian already had a hotel room reserved. We just have to pay for that."

So apparently, Shelly's plan was for them to leave Tuesday afternoon next week and then come home on Saturday morning.

Hmmmmmm........

So I sent my husband away for several days with a gorgeous, horny, brunette for what will basically be a golf "fuck-ation". Three days of golf, four nights of sex. Well, of course, the answer was obvious.

"Sure. Have fun!"

"Hon, call Jerry and have him come down for a few days. You haven't gotten together with him for awhile."

And that's why I married my husband. Brilliant idea!

A few days of fucking Jerry would be a nice reward. Babbbbbbyyyyyyy........

Now mind you, I was only doing this to keep my hubby from feeling guilty about abandoning me! That's all!

Anyway, I shot off an email to Jerry and "encouraged" him to come down and check on those previously mentioned business interests. Alas, he couldn't make it. Oh well! With Shelly gone, Janey found herself in some need of company, so I was more than happy to help.

Yeah, our marriage sounds weird, but it's worked pretty well for us for over 18 years. Hey, at least we never have to worry about being cheated on!

-----No votes for Spankey DaMonkey out of Wank State? What's wrong with you people? His right hand and forearm are huge! He's able to squeeze out big plays in clutch moments! When his line is protecting him in that cockpit, he's able to really zero in on his receiver. I don't get it. Spankey is going to be a legit NFL star.

You heard it here first!

Okay, so as far as the votes go, Luck has 3, RG has 1, and Ryan Tannehill has 1. I like the Tannehill vote, though. It goes against the grain. Common wisdom has either--or both--Luck and RG being the studs.

But in a few years, who knows? Tannehill only has 19 starts, but like RG3 and Luck, he has fantastic athleticism (having played wide receiver before taking over at QB his senior year) and a great arm. You never know.

-----And now I trail hubby by 6,000 views. I'm raising the white flag. I can't catch him. I give. This won't stop me from bitching in the future though.

He did offer a good theory as to why he might be so far ahead. He thinks it could be related to the titles of our blogs.

You want sex stuff and you look at two blog titles, "Confessions of a Poacher" and "Modern Lexenomics", which one do you think is going to guarantee you a little of the fun stuff?

Yeah. And guess who thought of the title for hubby's blog? Yeah, me. He wanted to call it "Uncle Ryan's Spanky Shack."

Okay, maybe he didn't.

I also named the Palm Pilot. You know what they say: behind every horny man is an even hornier woman. That's how it goes, right? No?

-----I'm pretty, uh, obvious about my love for Charlie Laine, one of the cutest porn stars in the history, of, well ever. But I found another porn girl to drool over. Faye Reagan!

-----So who should the Rams take? You know, as long as they don't trade up or trade down, I think a stud will fall to them. Morris Claiborne, Justin Blackmon, Malcom Floyd (not a reach--many analysts rank him right up with Blackmon), Matt Kahlil, or even Trent Richardson improve the team by a mile.

Look how Detroit became good. One reason was hitting on top-five picks. Matt Stafford, Ndamukong Suh and Calvin Johson. Sure, they had to hit on later-round picks and make smart free agent signings as well. But drafting well, and hitting on your first-round picks is huge. Detroit did it and I want Les Snead and Jeff Fisher to do just that. Don't draft for need, draft the best guy on the board.

AND DON'T TRADE UP, RAMS!

-----For all the hits Mike Holmgren, Tom Heckert, and Pat Shurmer are taking in Cleveland, I'd advise Browns fans to sit back and relax. The Browns, very quietly, have assembled one of the top defenses in the NFL.

Their defense was ranked 1oth in the league last year. The stats get a little weird here, but they were 30th in the league against the run but 2nd against the pass. One reason that's skewed so much is that teams found they had to run against them. And since the offense struggled so much, the defense wore down against the run. (Stats courtesy of cbssports.com.)

I think Colt McCoy will improve once the right side of the line is settled and some upgrades to the offense are made. I think they'll take Trent Richardson, which will give them a nasty running attack and will help the passing game as Trent can catch coming out of the backfield. And you can grab a quality WR at 22.

And once the offense improves, the run defense will as well. Take heart, Browns fans. Stay the course. It's hard to see now, but I like where your team is heading.

-----I think the Earth was knocked off its axis for a day. My old girlfriend Jilly actually invited her hubby to join her and her girlfriend in the sack. Holy cow. I actually had to reread the email when she sent it. Then I had to read it a couple of more times when she mentioned how watching her hubby stick it to her girlfriend really "turned me on more than I ever thought it could!". Yeah, well Jilly-girl, I could've told you all about that! Apparently, this is going to become a semi-regular deal.

Rock on, Jilly!

-----I love how recently the words "target" and "targeting" have been gaining in popularity by people who write about the draft. You know what "target" really means in the context of a draft?

It means "fixating". When you draft, you're supposed to take the best player for your team that's still on the board. You don't sit there and get a boner over a player and do whatever you can to get him because you "targeted" him. It's a stupid, trendy word that's only used to justify reaching or wasting picks to get a player because you panicked.

I'll tell you this: Ex-Rams GM (thankfully) Billy Devaney no doubt had that fucking word bouncing in his head as he blew draft after draft.

Targeting....unreal.

Enjoy the draft!

I Had A Blog?

Out and about, January 1992.

Oh yeah! I have a blog! I forgot! My bad!

HE is over four thousand views ahead of me! And by "he", I mean hubby! I shall have to dispense several shin kicks his way to show my displeasure!

Grrrrrr........I'm mean and fierce!

Hubby and I (and his hobble shins) have in in Texas the past several days. My brother and his wife had another baby. My mom and dad are getting older, and Dad has a few health problems, so we wanted to go out and take care of the kids while everybody went to the hospital.

Of course, we spoiled our charges as only an aunt and uncle can do. That's our job. We love doing it too. Let's just say a lot of Happy Meals were consumed over our few days there.

Well, who would've figured that after a full season of pulling for the Rams to Suck 4 Luck, only to lose the top spot to Indy on a tiebreaker, that we'd still be sitting in the catbird's seat?

Ahhhh......the whole world's fallen in love with Robert Griffin lll. Or as I, and only I, call him...... "RG3".

Okay, maybe other people call him that too......

Maybe "Suck 4 Luck" should have been "Grippin' 4 Griffin". Maybe not.

In case you don't follow football, WA traded up to #2 and St. Louis received Washington's 2012 first rounder (#6 overall), 2012 second rounder, and their 2013 and 2014 first rounders.

To clear up some loose wording people are using, WA did NOT give up three first rounders. They gave up two first rounders and a second to switch picks.

I really wanted Cleveland to get this pick (no offense, Redskins fans). I didn't want to drop further than #4, so we could get Matt Kahlil or Justin Blackmon. I think Minny takes Kahlil at #3 and Cleveland takes Blackmon.

He's the best pick, though. I like Colt McCoy. And taking Blackmon and teaming him up with Greg Little could be something really good. Blackmon would help Colt improve, as well as Little.

As for St. Louis, I can just see Fisher and Snead taking a d-lineman at #6. BLECH! I HATE taking d-linemen so high. But I doubt Morris Claybourne, Justin, or Matt will be available. Thus my desire to stay in the top four.

And nothing personal, Washington fans, but I will be rooting against you next season. And the season after that. I really like top ten picks. I don't think we'll get them, though. But I have to root against you, regardless. It's my duty as a fan. You'd do the same if the positions were reversed.

Truth be told, the Rams will probably only win five or six games themselves next season. I don't mind. I just want some progress. This franchise is being brought back from the ashes and I'm happy to wait a few years if that means we build a solid foundation for the future.

I am almost done with another carrot entry! Wooooooohooooooo! It shouldn't take me several more months/years/decades to follow up and finish this whole deal.

To those who follow hubby's blog--or have for awhile, I should say--you've no doubt noticed that he mentions his buddy Jim quite a bit. Jim's the one with the construction business back in southern Cal.

A couple of weeks ago, he flew out to talk to us.

He's selling his company. He's had a ton of offers over the years and has decided that it's finally time to take one. My husband actually (for now) owns a small piece of that company and he was sad to see Jim sell it. He worked a lot with Jim's dad at first and then Jim.

I'm not sure of what's more nostalgic to him though: the great times he had with Jim or all the tail he got from chicks he met on his various jobs. I would like to think the former.....but I know those two. LOL

Anyway, hubby will sell his share along with Jim and Jim and his wife Mindy (I done got some stories to tell about HER!) are going to sell their house in Rancho Cucamonga and move to northern Arizona.

Fuck. Can we come? Jim wants us there. So does Miss Mindy. I'd love to get some fun going with her again.

Maybe in a few years. I mean, Mitzie and CG probably won't be living with us then. That apartment was only meant to be a starter for them (although we love having them). But at some point, they'll want to buy a house of their own. And they deserve it.

As for Janey and Shelly, they won't be in that guest house/suite, whatever it is, forever. They actually want to move up to rural New England sometime after Janey graduates from her physician's assistant program.

And this monstrous house is paid for. And pretty much all of it has been fixed up, thanks to my husband (and Jim as well). Sell it and take off.

So who knows?

I just put up two more polls. One is who will be the best NFL QB: Luck, Griffin, Ryan Tannehill or Spankey Damonkey. The other poll is what team you think Peyton Manning should choose. That should only be up for a few days, as Peyton reportedly wants to make a decision soon. I'm guessing Ottawa.

Time To Start A New Poll

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Be Proud, You Were Loud

Yes. It's all his fault.

You were also wrong.

I posted the last entry without actually checking the news. It seems that the mob mentality, led by such deep intellects as Sports Illustrated's what's-his-name, Mike "Politically Correct Ass-Kisser" Greenburg, Mike "I.Q. of 12" Golic and that reptile Jim Rome got their way. Throw in that boob Tony Kornheiser, as well.

Anyway, Joe Paterno announced his retirement today, effective at the end of the season. Of course, that's not good enough for the morally outraged!

Hey, mob, you feel good? Did you get that taste of blood you desired? Did it quench your thirst?

The REAL outrage is the rush to judgement. The REAL outrage is that people are more pissed at Paterno than the guy actually accused of molesting children. The REAL outrage is people aren't railing that Paterno's superiors should be run out.

No, it's all about Paterno. The guy who reported the incident to his superiors.

Note to the mob: Don't cry when YOU don't get a fair shake. Don't cry when YOU don't get more than a few days to deal with a crisis. Don't cry when you don't get any kind of due process. Don't cry when you don't get a shred of the benefit of the doubt.

Don't cry when you're accused of sexual harassment and everybody immediately deems you a pervert. Don't cry when your daughter's friend says you TSA'd her and the neighborhood chases you out of your home, even if you're innocent. Don't cry when you're accused of fudging your expense report and are forced to "retire".

Don't cry. Be happy!

You see, YOUR view of how justice should work is merely being implemented! Sure, it sucks when it's you. But hey, it's always easier to love the kangaroo court when you're not the one in it.

When you had a chance to stand up and say, "Hey, let's slow down just a little bit here!", you didn't. You joined the oh-so-conveniently outraged.

Jerry Seinfeld once said on his show that sometimes the road less taken, is less taken for a reason. Absolutely.

The cowards--yes, cowards--who were screaming for this had no interest in the truth. They wanted a scapegoat and they got him. And there were able to pound their fists to their chests and proclaim what great people they were for feeling this way.

Bullshit.

This isn't about the victims. It never was. If these people cared about the victims, they wouldn't be screaming like jackasses. They'd be advocating finding out all of the facts, not just the facts that fit. They'd want to find out what organizational and communication flaws went on. They'd want to see what could be done to prevent this alleged horror from ever repeating.

That's not what this is about.

No, trust me, Meathead and Man-Girl used Mike & Mike to show off what true morons they are. They succeeded. As did Rome and everyone else. And so did everyone who trembled in arrogance and mock outrage.

Props to J.A. Andande of ESPN who has advocated essentially the same points here: slow down and find out how everything went down. His voice, sadly, wasn't nearly enough.

You reap what you sow. I hope you enjoy living in 1600s Salem.

Congratulations, outraged ones. I'm sure the victims are high-fiving each other now that JoePa will be gone. It's like you turned back time so none of this ever happened! Wow!

Ah, you have truly scaped the goat.

Randomly Random Thoughts.

My views are coming close to catching hubby's. You see, he hasn't posted since the end of July. Now, his entries are a lot more detailed and take much more work than mine. And his blog is much more anthology-based than mine. It's strictly a collection of his experiences.

Still, he's been slacking.

But all this time, his views consistently climb. It's not just feeding off other blogs. I think a ton of people who don't officially follow his blog still come by.

Fair enough.

Last night, I came within three hundred views. It was close....I was going to pass him again. Then somehow, some way.......the next time I checked his page.....he had picked up around three or four hundred more views!

I have no idea how this is happening. He's far too impatient to go to his own blog and hit the refresh button over and over again.

And in a day or two or three, he'll sit his ass down, and finish an entry he's been working on. And his views will shoot up like he injected Cialis into his blog.

This is the blogging equivalent of Promethius--or whoever it was--pushing that fucking rock up a hill only to see it fall back down again and again.

The sad irony? He couldn't care less about his views. Not one bit. And that's what drives me crazy!

If I didn't love him, I'd like beat him up or something.

___________________________________

My newest best friend forever, Svetlana, and I not only share an interest in topics of a sexual nature, but our birthdays are on one and the same day! Yayyyyyyyyyyy!

Uh....she's celebrated fewer than I..... Maybe I should beat up my hubby to make up for my pretend mid-life crisis. That'll learn him!

_________________________________

Okay, Mitzie's royal girlfriend, CG, has--ever since we've known her--insisted that not only do unicorns exist, but that she has every intention of getting one.

Okay, fine. Then a few weeks ago, CG comes in and says to hubby, "If I find a unicorn, I can have one, right?"

"Absolutely."

And CG goes back up to her apartment, happy as always.

Okay, time to talk to the spouse.

"Really? REALLY? They don't exist!"

"Alex, have you ever seen a unicorn?"
"Of course not."

"Then how do you know that they don't exist?"

Okay, THAT'S something CG would say. Oh well. Like everyone else, he adores CG, so hey, if CG can find a unicorn, she can have one.

Then a few days ago, Lori posts the following picture on CG's Facebook page.

The lovely girl on the horse is Charlie Laine, who is a big time porn star. She does only solo and girl-girl scenes. And Charlie is very active on Twitter and posted this.

So........if I were a conspiracy nut.....

Lori calls Charlie. Charlie then gets on a horse with a fake horn on it. Charlie then posts this on Twitter and Lori posts it on FB.

Nah. But if anyone COULD get Charlie in on something like this, it would probably be Lori.

A professional shot of Charlie.

Back in the day, the early nineties, my porn crush was an insanely hot lady named Victoria Paris. Now, my porn crush is devoted to Charlie!

Oh have mercy.

___________________________________

I chatted a few times, quite awhile back, with a guy who was fairly nice. He came here, read the blog and even the Rules of Engagement and PM'd me. Hey, if some guy bothers to read a side-blog as well as the main blog, that's impressive.

So we talked. Pretty nice guy. We chatted once in awhile, but not consistently.

Then he started pushing to meet. I said no. Then again. And he expected not only to meet me, but Lori and Shelly.

To top it off, this was a guy with no profile pic and wouldn't even say what part of the country he lived in or even his first name. Seriously. And yet, I was supposed to meet him.

Yes, I'm going to order these grown women to come over and fuck some guy I met in a fucking chat room. Really?

He said that rules were made to be broken. I said that rules were made to be followed. Then I told him that I was putting him on ignore and that he wasn't welcome at Lexenomics any longer. I can't keep him from visiting, but fuck, if he's reading this, then, well.....

Suck it. And go away. You aren't welcome here. You overstepped your bounds. You knew the rules and decided, hey, they didn't apply to you. They did.

But he did inspire me to create a new side-blog, "I Will Not Meet You."

So if you're a girl, please heed my warning. There are inherent dangers to sleeping around. When your gut says something is wrong, it's because usually something is. That gut feeling is a sixth sense. Your instincts aren't wrong.

Better safe, than sorry. And you know what? Apply this to guys, as well. If you must meet someone off-line, be wary. Be careful. Listen to your gut, not your pussy or dick.

It's not their job to keep you out of trouble. All they care about is getting you laid and some serious orgasms. That's fine. That's their job.

But being safe? That job belongs to your brain and instincts. If you're going to make a mistake, make sure that mistake is in being overly cautious, not the opposite. Cautious will never hurt you; recklessness often will.

______________________________________

Now there's another guy, he's awesome. Dodger fan that lives in Florida. Super-cool guy. I talk to him every few weeks. Major-league handsome, too. I just wanted to give him a shout-out.

________________________________________

Boy, Facebook is addictive. Not to hubby. He has a page, but gets on it like once every ten days. Me? I have to get on it every day. I think I need to enter rehab.

________________________________

Someone emailed hubby. "No way do I believe your blog. All your supposed girlfriends are pretty." Hubby emailed back, "Yeah, I should only fuck ugly women. Is your wife, daughter, sister or mother available?"

Cold, but hilarious!

Hey, if you're going to say something stupid, you're not going to be treated well. Just something to keep in mind on your journey through life. Remember: you're owed nothing and you'll be treated according to how you behave. That simple.

_________________________

Mind putting down your pitchforks and torchs for a sec? I'll be as succinct as possible.

We could wait until all the facts come out in the Joe Paterno controversy or take the stance of this self-righteous know-it-all. But then again, what sports magazine is more politically correct and self-righteous than this once-great-but-now-crappy publication, Sports Illustrated? Don't answer, it's a rhetorical question.

Outside of Don Banks and Peter King, its rubbish.

Now, I could go into protocol and procedure and whether did Paterno do or not do enough, blah, blah, but I won't. All I will say is that protocol and procedure are written for a reason and are to be followed for a reason.

But it's scapegoat time, and before any rationale and reason can enter the discussion, Paterno will be the former coach of Penn State. I'm not saying that Paterno shouldn't go. I'm not saying that he should. But why not wait for everything to settle down just a touch?

Nah. He has to go. Our moral indignation has spoken. And the lynch mob will pat itself on the back that it took action swiftly and decisively.

Oh....one TEENY TINY pesky fact for you in the mob to chew on. The former coaching assistant, Jerry Sandusky, hasn't actually been.....you know.....convicted of a fucking thing. Well, yet. But where's there's smoke there's fire.

Or is there?

There was plenty of smoke during the McMartin preschool scandal in the 1980s. And after years of court action and trials, and lead stories and front page headlines, it turned out to be just that: smoke. Yet when that broke, you would swear that these horrible people had repeatedly molested every child that walked in there or set foot within a two-mile range of the preschool. Didn't quite turn out that way in the end, though.

Ah, but we acted swiftly and decisively then, didn't we? There was smoke! We responded with anger, indignation, revulsion and every other emotion deemed worthy of the event.

That's the part that didn't make the front page.

The McMartins weren't the only ones, either. There have been many people wrongly convicted and sent to prison based upon the testimony of children and court-appointed "experts" wih their own agendas.

But don't let that little inconvenient fact stop you. Don't let the fact that no investigation that probed any of Paterno's action or inaction over the past several years has been conducted slow you down.

All the news that fits, right? Shoot first, ask later. Shooting first and shooting fast always results in a bullseye, right?

One more thing: all this "As a parent, I....." crap? That's bullshit. Anybody of reasonable mind feels child molestation is a horrible thing. I know it's shocking to you parents, but us childless folks don't deem this crime to be anything but horrid.

And if you use it to advance the argument/agenda that Joe Paterno must go right now right this second it can't come fast enough justice must be served if you don't agree you like child abuse you fucking pervert, it's just self-serving. And it's really insulting, to be honest.

Think about it.

Paterno's had a stellar civil and professional record for over sixty years. Read it again. Sixty years. Has that not earned him at least enough benefit of the doubt so that he isn't run off in a whopping 72 hours? Or is everybody so anxious to win the "I'm More Righteous and Indignant Than You" Sweepstakes that six decades of good citizenship is irrelevant?

Nah. It's not like we have to worry about buyer's remorse. You only get that after you give up something of value (money, usually) and end up buying something we didn't want after all. Everybody who slandered and prosecuted the McMartins suffered no remorse. Nobody will here, either.

I can guarantee you this as well: some chucklehead is going to use what I just said as some kind of proof that I'm an apologist for Paterno.

That's just the collateral damage you get when you don't endorse the rush to judgement.

I'm just waiting for Gloria Allred to find a way to weasle her self-serving ass into this.

__________________________

Two REAL Women of Achievment!

So why do I bang so hard on Jamie McCourt?

Simple. Seven years ago, these two morons stole the Dodgers and Jamie proclaimed herself to be the first female CEO in MLB.

Puh-lease!

I could go out and buy X Inc. with money I borrowed (from the people I was buying X Inc. from, no less) and waltz in and proclaim myself the first female CEO of X. Inc. Big whoop.

This isn't to say that Evil Jamie isn't quite intelligent. She went to Georgetown and was a practicing attorney in securities law and international law as well as several other areas. She taught at MIT and UCLA. No, a dope she is not.

She isn't a role model, either. She didn't spend years clawing up some corporate ladder, especially in the sports world. THAT she bought herself.

Kim Ng, on the other hand.....

She used to work for the Dodgers. Smart, smart lady. Yet when it came time to name a general manager for the team--well, one of the many times under the Newscorp/McCourt regimes--she was passed over. Instead of becoming MLB's first female GM, Kim eventually went to work for MLB itself.

Yeah, it's not like spending nine or so years as the team's vice president and assistant GM actually qualified her for the job.

Gee.....you don't think Jamie and her giant ego couldn't handle all the attention Kim would have gotten as MLB's first female GM, do you? Nahhhhhhhhhhh!

Now for a young lady named Sue Falsone.

You probably haven't heard of her. She's the first women to ever become the head trainer for a professional sports team in the United States.

Here's Sue talking about her new position onthe Dodgers' website. Very, very cool.

You'll notice a few things. One, she deftly handles the "female in a man's world" issue without by making it a non-issue. Two, with Sue, it's all about the team and the training staff. Three, she talks about her background without making it an opportunity to glorify herself (in other words, she's humble--something Jamie never was).

So, Jamie, there's the difference between you and Sue and Kim. Those are two women who really DID open doors for other women through hard work and dedication. Sue went out and busted her ass to get this far, and when Kim finally becomes a GM, it'll be for the same reason. You, well, maybe you worked hard in the legal field, but not in sports. You bought your status in sports.

They didn't.

One of these is not like the others......

So part of my dislike (there are so many other reasons to despise her, trust me) of Jamie isn't that she and her ex bought the Dodgers and she made herself the CEO. Big deal. My issue is....hey, look who I am! Look what I did!

Yeah. You bought something with borrowed money and gave yourself a title. Wow. That's never happened before.