Been Awhile

"You got sumtim' to say?"

I figured that I'd better make an appearance. Hubby's views have started to climb and now he's passed me.

The bastard!

Then again, he actually has been making posts lately, so maybe I should blame myself.

However, the pressure from work actually takes precedence over any pressure to get views. That's just how work goes sometimes, you all know that. Sometimes you're swamped, sometimes you aren't.

Sometimes you feel like a nut....sometimes you don't!

So what's been going on?

Here's an exciting answer--work. LOL Yeah, I know. I won't bore you with the details of what I've actually been working on.

Anyway, several days ago, I downloaded Yahoo! Messenger 11.0. Whenever Yahoo! updates, it reminds me of when AOL used to update its software: a few more bells and whistles, but nothing that really stands out. There are some upgrades, yeah, but I don't use Yahoo! that much to begin with. Still seems to have some of the same old bugs, too.

One thing that would be really nice would be the option to disable that fucking buzzer. I despise that thing. Oh well, whatever.

Anyway, I decided to check out the chats on Yahoo! for the first time in months. I hit a chat room and most of it was pretty much the same. But I did get an IM from a very nice guy. I won't divulge too many details, except that he's a Dodgers fan.

So we chatted quite a bit and he was uber-cool. Now you all know that I cyber an average of once every four years, but we were chatting about sex and I got a little hot. Unbeknownst to him, I started touching myself. Hubby saw what I was doing and came into the room and decided to, uh, give me a helping hand. Needless to say, I came, and it didn't take long.

Then I made my new friend cum. Cute guy, too. ;)

Ahem.

Anyway, Janey's all moved in and has been working her cute Cuban ass off. You'd be surprised at how daunting the prospect of not working for two and a half years is. Actually, you wouldn't. But she's socking away all of her money to live on. The program she's entering is just too intensive to work while attending classes.

Oh, and Mitzie? Well, Michaela (her real name) is just fine. She and her girlfriend have been living in that garage apartment for over two years now. Time really flies. We love having them.

Shelly and Lori are doing fine. They'll be spending the weekend with us. Bev is doing great. She's working so much that we don't get to see her as much as we'd like. '

My boyfriends Nick and Jerry are doing great. I wear them out whenever I get the chance! Trust me, I'm demanding of my boyfriends! But they never complain for some reason!

Okay, just wanted to check in. I'm going to wrap this up and head to bed. I wanted to let everyone know that Lexenomics hasn't been abandoned!

Take care, have a great weekend, and I'll see you soon!

Hubby took this in Florida a few years ago!

A Note To One Person

Kristina, I noticed you cancelled your account on the site where we met. I know you come here, so please keep in touch!

Lexie's List Of Pick-Up Rules

"Duh!"

Just some rules I followed over the years when I used to meet people in bars for a little fun.

1. If someone absolutely, positively, insists on going back to their place, bow out. If someone won't go to Motel 6, even if you offer to pay for the whole thing, something could be wrong. Why does someone HAVE to go back to their place? I get them not wanting to go to yours, but a neutral site shouldn't bother them. I'm not saying not to go to someone's place if you trust your gut, but if they absolutely insist on this, something's a little off, especially if their reason doesn't sound legit.

2. If they're high, say bye-bye. People on drugs aren't safe. Hands down, no exceptions. Well, pot, maybe. I don't really consider that a hard drug. But I still wouldn't go home with Toked-up Toni. Listen, I'm pro-legalizing Mary Jane. I don't mind people toking some at home. But if you can't stay sober before you go out, then don't bother me.

3. Keep an eye on how they treat bartenders and waitresses. Sure, that person will be on their best behavior with you, but if they treat servers like garbage, you'll probably be getting that treatment later on.

4. Trust you gut! Listen to your instincts!

5. Talk awhile. Get to know the person. Keep an ear open for inconsistencies in what they say.

6. Avoid haters. I have always detested chauvinists, and it doesn't matter if they're female or male. There are as many female chauvinist pigs out there as male chauvinistic pigs, even if our stupid society of political correctness doesn't acknowledge that.

7. Slobbering drunks need not apply. Drunk people lack judgement. Sorry.

8. Don't drink too much yourself. Nothing's worse than losing your ability to make sound decisions.

9. Any guy that doesn't agree to use condoms can get lost. I really didn't troll the bars for guys that much due to STD concerns, but when I did, if he wasn't pro-condom, I was anti-him. For guys, avoid any woman who doesn't feel the way I do. Odds are, people who hate condoms really don't use them too much. I'm not really a huge fan, either. But if you're going to fuck a stranger, then you'd best take all precautions.

10. Be extremely sensitive to your environment. I had a HOT-HOT-HOT-HOT woman hit on me once. But I had seen her hanging around a couple of guys earlier that night. And it wasn't just a "hey, hi guys" deal. She'd go back and forth quite a bit. After I said no thanks, she went to the end of the bar to hit on another girl. I managed to catch the girl's eye and subtly shook my head and gave a little look to the back with my eyes to warn her. She passed as well. Eventually, the girl and two guys left together.

11. Women, take a self-defense course! Learn how to defend yourselves!

12. Guys, take a self-defense course! Learn how to defend yourselves!

13. It never hurts to have a Mace-in-hole! Or pepper spray!

14. Never leave your drink unattended until you feel safe with the person you're with. This goes for both men and women.

15. Avoid the feeling of obligation. If somebody buys you a drink and you chat with them awhile and decide not to take things further, just politely decline. If that person offered you a drink and spent their time chatting with you, it wasn't out of the goodness of their heart. As long as you didn't lead that person on, don't feel guilty about not sealing the deal.

16. Remember, you're a free agent. Picking up someone for a one-night stand is the epitome of selfishness. And that's not a bad thing at all. But you're not there to find your soul mate, your new best friend or anything like that. You're going there to get laid. And that's why a lot of other people are there, too.

17. Always be cognizant of the fact that there are always risks in doing something like this. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to worry about things like rape, robbery, kidnapping and various other atrocities that can befall us. But this isn't a perfect world and the more you realize this going in, the better off you'll be.

What I'd love is for anybody who has a suggestion for the list to leave it in the comments section or email it to me and I'll add it to the list. And if I think of more, I'll add them as well.

Happy Friday!

And, kiddies, this is why we don't take drugs!

Okay, well technically it's now Saturday.

Went down to Marietta today for about two hours. Nick called and was able to sneak away from his job for a couple of hours. We checked into a close-by motel and went at it. I went back home a happy, happy woman! LOL

I always love the expressions on the desk clerks' faces in situations like that! You check in and two hours later check out. The kid at the desk gave me a once-over that boosted me ego! As we left, I turned and winked at the kid. LOL He just laughed.

He likey-likey older women!

Don't cry for hubby. Our beloved Bev was over today. Honestly, it was a tough choice. One-on-one with Nick or a threesome with hubby and Bev. While we don't get to see Bev nearly as much as we'd like, meetings with Nick are even harder to come by, so I made the drive.

"Harder to come by." Wow! A double double-entendre! You get it all here at Lexenomics, folks!

Anyway, hubby had an absolute blast with Bev. That's probably a statement that really didn't need to be stated, I guess.

Janey's all moved in! Yeah for Janey, and yay for us! I have mentioned how much we adore her, haven't I? LOL She loves her living space and I know it'll be perfect for her over the next couple of years.

And yes, Janey, hubby and I have had some fun since she moved in. The girl's as crazed as I am. LOL

She'll be putting in the hours over the next several months, that's for sure (work, not in bed, though.....). School starts in September and she'll be working for a nurse registry that has promised her a lot of hours.

Anyway, the other day I decided that I wanted a little break from work, so I wandered over to my hubby's blog. I was feeling particularly snarky that day and wanted to make a comment letting him know that I had broken the 10,000 views mark.

I had a shock. No, he hadn't broken that, but he had surpassed 8,000 views. Holy cow, he's catching up! Our blog views have been a running joke between us since I started mine up. I bet he's gonna catch me, too. If he does, your favorite psycho blonde will never hear the end of it!

I'm playing dirty though. Notice how I didn't link up when I mentioned his blog? All's fair!

Sorrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy honeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! LOL

Remember me talking about Jilly awhile back, and how she finally found a new girlfriend? Well, she's still seeing her!

That's a good thing. A part of me--a little part--is a bit bummed that Jilly hasn't brought up the possibility of us rocking and rolling again sometime. The rest of me is happy beyond belief that she hasn't and hopes that she doesn't.

But I am happy for her. Her hubby's cool with it (I love him--great guy) and when she and her friend have the time, they enjoy it.

Okay, I'm out. Hubby's, ahem, recovered from his little playdate with Bev, and I'm gonna take advantage of it! Maybe he's got some tiger blood going on tonight!

Bringgggggggggg it!

Take care and thanks for reading!

And The Winner Is..............

The one object that received absolutely no votes. Yes, the humble carrot.

I did have an empty Coke bottle in my room that night, but it never received serious consideration. That was just too out there, as odd as that may sound.

I did consider a pen. But felt it was just too thin. My goal was to simulate a hard cock. Now, I have used a ball point pen for that purpose. It's quite handy, you can maneuver it around nicely and hey, when you're done, you can just toss it.

Now for the winner of the poll, the hair brush. I wasn't at all surprised that this garnered the most votes. It makes perfect sense. Sleek handle, easy grip with the bristles.

But here's why it wasn't a hair brush. I'm assuming the most--if not all--of the voters were guys. And that would mean that none of the voters were ever a 12 year old girl.

And you know what's sacred to teen (and almost teen) girls? Beauty supplies. Brushes, combs, make-up, all that. I couldn't take any of my beloved brushes and do that to them. It just didn't seem right. I gave it serious consideration, but eventually passed on that.

Okay, so why a carrot?

Well, we had a bag in the crisper. I snuck down and selected one that wasn't too narrow and wasn't too thick. Yeah, this sounds like an X-rated Goldilocks ("This one's too thin. This one's too thick. This one's JUSSSSST right!).

I warmed the carrot up in the microwave for a few seconds, took it upstairs, Vaselined it up and went at it. It was stiff, but not TOO stiff. I was able to choose my desired width. And they had plenty of length, so handling it wouldn't be a problem. I knew I could go as deep as I liked but would still have plenty to hold onto.

Yup. It was a carrot.

You'll have to excuse me now. I just made a salad and want to go down on it.

A Quick Note About The Poll

I want to have Michelle's baby. Since that's impossible, I'll settle

for having sex with her which, while very highly improbable, isn't technically impossible. Or something.

I'm watching "SportsNation" on ESPN2 as I'm writing this up. I have this HUGE crush on Michelle Beadle, who hosts the show with Colin Cowherd. She's wearing this tight red dress that really accentuates her butt and breasts. And to top it off, the cast she's wearing due to recent ankle surgery is black and offsets her dress brilliantly!

Michelle, you R-O-C-K!

And now, on to our regularly-scheduled blog post.

I should've mentioned this in yesterday's entry, "My Pal Xaveria", but the poll I put up yesterday, "So What Was My First Toy", will run through until next Monday or Tuesday. Then I'll post what object I actually used.

Thanks to those who have voted, and a thank you to those who will vote.

Right now, the hair brush is in the lead and threatening to run away with the race! Is it indeed the mysterious object I've referred to? We shall see!

But when I do answer the question, I'll explain why I used what I used and why I didn't use the others.

If you're incredibly bored--or for some reason feel particularly passionate about which of these four items would have been the best choice--feel free to comment about your feelings. Just put your thoughts in the comments section for this post. I respond to all comments (with the exception of really vulgar comments which don't get published).

Holy cow, I've had over 9,600 views since I put the counter widget on the blog. I never envisioned this blog getting so many hits! Yeah, I know it isn't that many compared to really popular blogs, but still it's kind of cool. So thank you to all that come by and check out Lexenomics!

Also, does anybody know of a good free file hosting site? If you do, could you leave it in the comments or email it to me at modernlexenomics.blogspot.com? You'd have a psychotic blonde's gratitude if you did! Thanks!

Okay, I'm working on some entries, but not sure when if I'll get another posted before the poll entry next week. I'm might even just drop by to say "hey, word up peeps." Or maybe I'll ramble at length at how I'd love to rub up against Miss Michelle for a month or so (Miss Beadle, if you're reading this, have you ever considered the pleasures a woman could bring you in bed?).

So until then......

See you next time!

My Pal Xaveria

Xaviera Hollander--pioneer, visionary, sexual revolutionary.

Xaviera Hollander is, like, a total hero to me.

She's the call girl who wrote "The Happy Hooker," one of the greatest books ever! She really had an impact on me when I first read it.

When I was 12.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Anyway, my parents both worked. And it was summer. And I saw the book on a bookshelf in the den.

"The Happy Hooker."

Oh yeah, I had heard of that book. Back in the '70s and early '80s, Xaveria Hollander was a pretty well-known fixture in popular culture. Not in the same way as the Bay City Rollers, of course.

Heh. Bet you didn't expect a Bay City Rollers reference in this post.

Anyway, it was August. I had completed my two summer school classes and had what remained of the summer off. I had recently discovered an interest in boys (as in, hey, some were pretty cute!). But no way was I going to be dating at 12.

Still, the whole "boys are cute" thing kind of got me interested in certain activities that boys and girls do together. Oh, I knew the whole "birds and the bees" bit. But I never really thought about it until that time.

Anyway, back to that book. I was pretty sure my parents wouldn't want me to read it. Then again, it was out there in the bookcase. But I probably should ask, first. Then again, why should I? I was always encouraged to read, after all.

And the new issue of Tiger Beat wasn't out yet. John Stamos was SOOOOO hot!

Actually, he's better looking now at 47. But that's neither here not there.

I was absolutely fascinated by not only the way she had lived her life, but with the fact that she offered absolutely no apologies.

One afternoon, I was reading this new treasure in my room when I heard my brother say, "Mom and Dad would not be happy that you were reading that." Then he laughed. I knew he wouldn't say anything. We completed trusted each other with keeping our secrets.

"Well, what they don't know, right?"

He laughed again, "Right. Just don't become a hooker, Alex." I laughed and said, "Not till I hit eighteen!" He smiled and said, "You know she has a column in Penthouse, don't you?"

Oh really? I wasn't aware of that. Gotta love big brothers!

An aside here--I wasn't left all alone at home at that age most of the time. My brother was a few years older was usually around, and we had our neighbor next door who'd keep an eye out for me when he was gone. But I was pretty mature for my age and my parents knew I didn't need to be shipped to my aunt and uncle's (the ones I lived with while in college) house when big brother wasn't there.

Anyway, it didn't talk me long to finish up that book.

A couple of nights after finishing it up, I was in bed, but it was one of those nights when I couldn't fall asleep right away. So I started fantasizing about being a high-priced call girl myself.

And soon I found my hand rubbing a certain area through my pajamas. And I also found myself to be breathing a little heavy.

A few times when I was still reading the book, I had my hand down there and had done a little rubbing. But I always stopped before, well, anything happened.

Not this time. What I was doing felt really good, so I got up, stripped out of my pajamas, and crawled back into bed and resumed what I was doing.

I was wet, my nipples were hard, and I was moaning softly. As I felt myself building towards my first orgasm, I fingered my clit faster. Soon--and this is the best way I can describe it--this rush washed over me. My eyes were shut and I was cumming.

After this new sensation had subsided, I just laid there. I knew what had happened. But man, I didn't realize that an orgasm would be so......

.....fucking great and intense.

I got up and put my pajamas on and went and washed my hands. Then I crawled back into bed, very pleased at what had just happened. It was awesome. I could make myself have that feeling whenever I wanted!

And over the next couple of weeks, I DID make myself have that feeling--a lot. It was like this awesome new toy that I couldn't stop playing with. Then one night I was ready to "get my toy out" when I started wondering what it would be like to put something in there (well, having already started receiving "nature's little present", I mean putting something in there for pleasure).

But what? It wasn't like there were a bunch of dildos or vibrators laying around the house. What could simulate a dick? And then it hit me.

And I'm not going to tell you what it was. Well, not right now. That's going to be the subject of my next poll on the front page (husband, you are ineligible to vote! LOL).

So I took the object into the bathroom and put some Vaseline on it. I couldn't believe what I was about to do. But I do know that it really got me hot.

I went back into my room. I stripped down naked again and started fantasizing and feeling out my clit and pussy. When I was ready, I spread my legs and, bracing myself on one arm, slid the object in very, very slowly.

It hurt, but just a little. And as my muscles relaxed, I sped up. Soon I was having an orgasm that rivaled the first in intensity.

Now that was more fun than a 12 year-old (almost 13) should have. I didn't start doing that every night, but I was getting myself off every 2 nights or so with my hand and occasionally with the object (as a treat).

As for Xaveria, her book didn't convince me to go ahead and start doing all this--I did have a mind of my own. But it did convey to me the idea that the female orgasm was a wonderful thing and nothing to feel guilty about.

And not too far down the line, I did something else I didn't feel guilty about either.