A Note To One Person

Kristina, I noticed you cancelled your account on the site where we met. I know you come here, so please keep in touch!

Lexie's List Of Pick-Up Rules

"Duh!"

Just some rules I followed over the years when I used to meet people in bars for a little fun.

1. If someone absolutely, positively, insists on going back to their place, bow out. If someone won't go to Motel 6, even if you offer to pay for the whole thing, something could be wrong. Why does someone HAVE to go back to their place? I get them not wanting to go to yours, but a neutral site shouldn't bother them. I'm not saying not to go to someone's place if you trust your gut, but if they absolutely insist on this, something's a little off, especially if their reason doesn't sound legit.

2. If they're high, say bye-bye. People on drugs aren't safe. Hands down, no exceptions. Well, pot, maybe. I don't really consider that a hard drug. But I still wouldn't go home with Toked-up Toni. Listen, I'm pro-legalizing Mary Jane. I don't mind people toking some at home. But if you can't stay sober before you go out, then don't bother me.

3. Keep an eye on how they treat bartenders and waitresses. Sure, that person will be on their best behavior with you, but if they treat servers like garbage, you'll probably be getting that treatment later on.

4. Trust you gut! Listen to your instincts!

5. Talk awhile. Get to know the person. Keep an ear open for inconsistencies in what they say.

6. Avoid haters. I have always detested chauvinists, and it doesn't matter if they're female or male. There are as many female chauvinist pigs out there as male chauvinistic pigs, even if our stupid society of political correctness doesn't acknowledge that.

7. Slobbering drunks need not apply. Drunk people lack judgement. Sorry.

8. Don't drink too much yourself. Nothing's worse than losing your ability to make sound decisions.

9. Any guy that doesn't agree to use condoms can get lost. I really didn't troll the bars for guys that much due to STD concerns, but when I did, if he wasn't pro-condom, I was anti-him. For guys, avoid any woman who doesn't feel the way I do. Odds are, people who hate condoms really don't use them too much. I'm not really a huge fan, either. But if you're going to fuck a stranger, then you'd best take all precautions.

10. Be extremely sensitive to your environment. I had a HOT-HOT-HOT-HOT woman hit on me once. But I had seen her hanging around a couple of guys earlier that night. And it wasn't just a "hey, hi guys" deal. She'd go back and forth quite a bit. After I said no thanks, she went to the end of the bar to hit on another girl. I managed to catch the girl's eye and subtly shook my head and gave a little look to the back with my eyes to warn her. She passed as well. Eventually, the girl and two guys left together.

11. Women, take a self-defense course! Learn how to defend yourselves!

12. Guys, take a self-defense course! Learn how to defend yourselves!

13. It never hurts to have a Mace-in-hole! Or pepper spray!

14. Never leave your drink unattended until you feel safe with the person you're with. This goes for both men and women.

15. Avoid the feeling of obligation. If somebody buys you a drink and you chat with them awhile and decide not to take things further, just politely decline. If that person offered you a drink and spent their time chatting with you, it wasn't out of the goodness of their heart. As long as you didn't lead that person on, don't feel guilty about not sealing the deal.

16. Remember, you're a free agent. Picking up someone for a one-night stand is the epitome of selfishness. And that's not a bad thing at all. But you're not there to find your soul mate, your new best friend or anything like that. You're going there to get laid. And that's why a lot of other people are there, too.

17. Always be cognizant of the fact that there are always risks in doing something like this. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to worry about things like rape, robbery, kidnapping and various other atrocities that can befall us. But this isn't a perfect world and the more you realize this going in, the better off you'll be.

What I'd love is for anybody who has a suggestion for the list to leave it in the comments section or email it to me and I'll add it to the list. And if I think of more, I'll add them as well.